Late-Diagnosed ADHD and Masking

Yes, I have tried making a list.

A late diagnosis of ADHD can bring up relief, grief, and frustration. You may find yourself looking back on school, work, relationships, or habits and wondering, “What might have been different?”

You may feel exhausted from spending years working harder to stay organized, meet expectations, or manage impulses. Grief may arise from the feeling of loss opportunities, feeling misunderstood, or being written off as ‘anxious.’ But also. Some things may click, and a diagnosis could provide a name for an experience you have struggled with your whole life.

A late diagnosis is particularly common among people whose ADHD symptoms were overlooked, dismissed, misdiagnosed, or successfully compensated for earlier in life. Commonly, this can include women and girls, POC, people with predominantly inattentive symptoms, high-achieving individuals, and people who developed strong coping strategies that helped mask ADHD symptoms.

You may have learned to compensate through perfectionism, over-preparation, and people-pleasing.

Therapy at Common Thread Counseling Chicago for late-diagnosed ADHD can help you understand your brain instead of masking, make sense of your experiences, and develop practical strategies that work with your ADHD rather than against it.

Many adults with late-diagnosed ADHD have spent years believing they are unmotivated, forgetful, or "bad at adulting."

You may recognize yourself in experiences such as:

• Knowing what you need to do but feeling unable to get started

• Procrastinating until urgency creates enough motivation to act

• Struggling with time management or frequently underestimating how long things will take

• Forgetting appointments, deadlines, tasks, or important details

• Feeling overwhelmed by household responsibilities or everyday tasks

• Difficulty prioritizing when everything feels important

• Difficulty shifting from one task or activity to another

• Emotional intensity or difficulty regulating strong emotions

• Rejection sensitive disorder

• Struggling with burnout after periods of overworking or overcompensating

These experiences can affect work, relationships, parenting, self-esteem, and daily life. They can also contribute to anxiety, chronic stress, and burnout.

What Is ADHD Masking?

ADHD masking is the process of hiding, suppressing, or compensating for ADHD-related difficulties in order to meet expectations, fit in, or avoid judgment.

Masking can look like:

• Over-preparing for everything

• Perfectionism

• People-pleasing

• Creating rigid routines to avoid forgetting things

• Spending excessive amounts of time organizing or planning

• Copying others’ actions to fit in

• Pushing through exhaustion rather than acknowledging your limits

• Avoiding situations where your ADHD symptoms might become noticeable

Often, folks don't realize how much energy they have spent trying to appear "typical," capable, or in control until they receive an ADHD diagnosis.

Individual therapy for late-diagnosed ADHD is a collaborative space to better understand yourself and develop practical tools for everyday life.

Our work may include:

Understanding Your ADHD

We'll explore how ADHD shows up specifically for you - including your strengths, challenges, patterns, and coping strategies. Rather than focusing only on what feels difficult, we'll develop a more compassionate understanding of how you operate within your context.

Reducing Shame and Self-Criticism

Years of feeling "undisciplined," "too sensitive," or "not living up to your potential" can have a lasting impact on self-esteem. Therapy can help you challenge these narratives and develop a more compassionate relationship with yourself.

Managing Executive Functioning Challenges

We can work on the practical challenges of planning, organization, time management, prioritization, task initiation, and follow-through.

Working With Emotional Regulation

ADHD isn't only about attention. Many adults experience strong emotions, frustration, overwhelm, or difficulty recovering after stressful experiences. We'll practice nonjudgmental skills for recognizing and regulating emotions.

Addressing Perfectionism and Masking

You may have spent years compensating for ADHD by trying to be perfect. Therapy can help you identify these patterns, understand where they came from, and develop more sustainable ways of functioning.

Preventing Burnout

When you've spent years relying on avoiding negative consequences and urgency to get things done, burnout can become a recurring cycle. We'll work toward creating sustainable routines, boundaries, and expectations.

Depending on your goals, we may practice executive functioning skills and emotional regulation such as:

Routine building: Developing flexible routines that fit your life and your ADHD brain.

Emotional regulation, self-compassion and challenging perfectionism: Replacing shame and self-criticism with a more supportive internal voice.

Burnout prevention: Recognizing your limits and developing more sustainable ways to work, rest, and recover.

Reducing masking: Exploring how you can show up more authentically.

Our therapists at can provide a space for you to process your experience with ADHD, the process of a late diagnosis, reflecting on your experiences, and adapting sustainable coping tools to meet your personal goals. Reach out today to see how Common Thread Counseling Chicago can support you with a late diagnosis of ADHD.

Mindfulness vs. Meditation: We’re Leaf Peepin’ This Season

Have I already told you how much I love the river path by our Avondale therapy office?

Leaves are crunching. Trader Joe’s cinnamon brooms are flying off of shelves. It’s officially Autumn. You know what that means. A blog about mindfulness and nature walks!

People often use "mindfulness" and "meditation" interchangeably, but they're not quite synonymous. Both are invaluable practices that have been used for centuries and adapted into therapy in different ways, including interoceptive awareness. Mindfulness develops awareness and presence, while meditation draws from mindfulness to train the brain and focus. This simple blog post won’t quite dive into the entire lengthy history of each, but I’ll try to describe a bit about each, how they can be beneficial, and how they may be practiced in and out of therapy. According to Jon Kabat-Zinn, the founder of Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR), mindfulness is, “a form of meditation that really is the cultivation of intimacy with awareness.”

Meditation is typically a formal practice, like training. It's something you set aside time for: sitting quietly, focusing on your breath, or following a guided practice. Meditation is an umbrella term that can include loving-kindess meditation or visualization. When I think of meditation, I think of the brain sifting through the clutter and honing in on a focal point or intention. When I think of mindfulness, I think of noticing what’s floating through the brain, and allowing the thoughts to continue floating by. 

Mindfulness is noticing without judgment - paying attention to what's happening right now, in your mind and body and surroundings, without immediately labeling it as good or bad, right or wrong. You can practice mindfulness anywhere. You can be mindful while washing dishes, eating dinner, or having your morning coffee.

Why Our Therapists Teach Mindfulness

In our therapy practice here in Chicago, we teach mindfulness as a practical, everyday tool.  Many of the struggles that bring people into therapy - anxiety, rumination, self-criticism, the desire to get rid of ‘bad’ emotions -  are made heavier by our own  judgment. We don't just feel anxious; we judge ourselves for feeling anxious. We don't just have a difficult thought; we spiral into what that thought means about us.

Mindfulness interrupts that cycle. When a client learns to notice a thought or feeling without immediately judging it, they create a small gap and a choice - space to respond thoughtfully and intentionally instead of automatically. This is why mindfulness shows up across so many approaches we draw on in session, from cognitive behavioral techniques to acceptance-based work: it's less about achieving a calm state and more about changing your relationship to what is currently happening in your brain and body in relation to the world around you.

If you're working with us, you'll likely hear us come back to this phrase often: notice without judgment.  The more we practice it together in session, the more it will come up for you naturally outside of sessions. Eventually, it will loop through your brain as easily as a BTS song. Which is a good thing, depending. 

Practicing Mindfulness This Fall

Autumn is my favorite time to practice mindfulness (perhaps because that’s when it is easiest for me?) As we begin to slow down, prepare for transitions, we see natural cycles unfolding around us. We see impermanence, acceptance, and patterns. Instead of resisting the change, struggling with the future, I encourage you to notice. Without judgment.

●      Notice the leaves changing, without narrating a story about it. Instead of "WINTER IS COMING," try just seeing the color - the specific gold or rust of a single leaf - without assigning anything else. 

●      Use your walk as a mindfulness practice. As you walk through the neighborhood or a park (may I recommend the path by the river just north of our Avondale office location?), notice the leaves crunching, the change in air temperature, the smell of the season. 

●      Let the season model impermanence. Trees don't resist losing their leaves. Mindfulness often includes a similar practice: letting thoughts and feelings arrive and pass without clutching onto them. If I have a thought about climate change, I’m letting that thought float down the river as best I can. 

●      Pair it with something you already do. You don't need a new ritual. We often treat intentionality as a weird productivity buzzword. But you can be intentional each day to turn a ritual you already have (brushing your teeth, walking to work, opening the curtains) into a moment of mindfulness. 

…Why?

It's to practice the small, repeatable skill of being present,  a skill that, over time, can reduce stress and anxiety, improve emotional regulation and nervous system regulation. Mindfulness can reduce anxious and depressive loops, improve sleep, focus, and reduce physical symptoms associated with anxiety. With mindfulness, we can both physically and emotionally be grounded in the present, treat ourselves with more compassion, and in turn, others as well, improving our relationship with ourselves, others, and the world around us.

If you’d like to learn more about how we integrate mindfulness into our sessions in Chicago, or more about therapy in general, please fill out an intake form!

Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria and ADHD: Understanding Emotional Regulation

It’s like that, huh? …Or is it?

Have you ever experienced negative feedback or disappointment and felt like it hit you like a ton of bricks? A short text from your partner leaves you wondering if they’re upset with you, constructive feedback at work makes you question if you’re in the right career, or a mistake quickly turns into, “I’m a failure.”

If you have ADHD, you may have come across the term rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) to describe this experience. While RSD is not an official diagnosis, many people in the ADHD community find the term helpful for describing intense emotional reactions to perceived or actual rejection, criticism, disappointment, or failure.

RSD describes a deep level of emotional pain, triggered by real or perceived rejection or criticism, that goes beyond a typical feeling. People who experience it often describe it less as "feeling sad" and more as a physical ache: a pit of despair in the chest, their whole body shrinking, their heart dropping.

Others may respond by becoming defensive, over-apologizing, people-pleasing, or avoiding situations where they might be judged.

RSD differs from social anxiety or phobia; social phobia includes anticipatory anxiety before the event or interaction. Rejection sensitive dysphoria is triggered by the perceived or real loss of approval or respect. 

RSD is one of the most-searched, most-discussed terms in the ADHD community, because the term resonates with many folks who have ADHD, a kid with ADHD, or a partner with ADHD. While clinicians vary on its clinical use, colloquially, it can help guide therapy treatment for ADHD to give voice to individual experiences.

How Are ADHD and Rejection Sensitivity Connected?

A term called Deficient Emotional Self-Regulation (DESR) has been gaining traction in ADHD research regarding the interplay of ADHD and emotional regulation, especially by Dr. Russell Barkley, one of the pioneers of ADHD work. DESR explores the brain circuitry involved in ADHD and emotional self-regulation, and includes an individual having a hard time with emotional impulsiveness (low frustration tolerance, impatience, quick to anger), self-soothing abilities, ability to refocus attention after a heightened emotional response, and the ability to develop better emotional responses. RSD would fall under the umbrella of DESR.

Emotional regulation can be a significant part of the ADHD experience, which is agreed upon by most experts who treat ADHD, even though it isn’t considered a core diagnostic symptom. Many people with ADHD describe experiencing emotions intensely and having difficulty slowing down their initial reaction before responding.

In RSD, there is a common cycle: something happens, the brain quickly interprets it as rejection or failure, a strong emotional response follows, and only later is there enough space to consider whether the original interpretation was accurate. This could be accompanied by shame, embarrassment, isolation, and conflict. 

As opposed to being ‘dramatic’ or ‘too sensitive’, the response is a result of an intense feeling and lack of ability to self soothe, shift perspectives, regulate, and put space between the event and the reaction. In ADHD, structural differences in the brain impact the interplay and functioning of the emotional circuitry and decision making. The limbic system detects fear and threats, and processes emotional responses, while the prefrontal cortex (PFC) is the rational part of the brain that determines context and regulates impulsive behavior. Structural differences in neurophysiology of an ADHD brain could account for difficulties in emotional regulation, and thus, contribute to what we have now coined RSD.

What Does Rejection Sensitivity Look Like?

Rejection sensitivity can show up in many different areas of life.

In relationships, a delayed text, change in tone, or perceived distance from a partner or friend may quickly lead to thoughts that something is wrong or feelings of anger.

At work, constructive feedback may feel deeply personal. Some people respond by overworking or striving for perfection, while others avoid speaking up, asking for help, or pursuing opportunities because of the possibility of being judged.

When trying something new, the fear of failing or looking foolish can become so uncomfortable that avoiding the situation feels safer. This can make it difficult to pursue career changes, relationships, hobbies, or other goals, and can feel super heavy during times of transition like the quarter-life crisis. Embarrassment can quickly lead to feelings of anger.

With self-esteem, a single mistake can quickly become a much bigger judgment about yourself. Instead of thinking, “I made a mistake,” the thought may become, “I always mess things up,” or “I’m not good enough.”

Over time, these patterns can affect relationships, confidence, decision-making, and overall quality of life.

How Can Therapy Help With ADHD and Rejection Sensitivity?

Individual therapy can provide a space to better understand these patterns and develop practical strategies for responding differently.

One helpful starting point that can be explored in therapy is learning to notice what happens between a trigger and an emotional reaction. When you notice a strong response, you might pause and ask:

What is the story that I am telling myself about what happened?
Is there a more generous explanation?
What would I say to someone I care about in this situation?

Therapy can also address emotional regulation, negative self-talk, perfectionism, self-esteem, relationship patterns, and difficulty tolerating uncertainty. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), for example, can help identify unhelpful thinking patterns and develop more balanced ways of interpreting difficult situations. Mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR) can assist you in building a pause before reactions, grounding, and calming the nervous system.

The goal of therapy could be to help you feel empowered and more intentional in your actions and responses, building new patterns after practicing over time.

Finding an ADHD Therapist in Northwest Chicago

If you're looking for an ADHD therapist in Chicago, including locations in Logan Square and Avondale, Common Thread Counseling Chicago has therapists who can hold space for you to explore rejection sensitivity, emotional regulation, self-esteem, relationships, and the ways ADHD may be affecting your everyday life.

Understanding your patterns and developing new ways of responding can make a meaningful difference. Many people with ADHD experience co-occurring disorders. Therapy can also be helpful for social anxiety, depression, or trauma responses, as well as providing other tools and referrals for management. 

If rejection sensitivity or ADHD-related emotional challenges are affecting your quality of life, consider reaching out to a therapist who has experience working with adults with ADHD.

This post is for general information and is not a substitute for individualized mental health care.

Staying Connected, Finding Meaning: Continued Bonds and the Sixth Stage of Grief

Stripe game strong.

Things we will not say at Common Thread Counseling Chicago when we are assisting you in working with grief and loss:

• “Everything happens for a reason.”

• “They’re in a better place.”

• “Time heals all.”

• “Stay strong.”

• “At least…”

Why? Because that feels dismissive. Grief and loss can feel consuming. Feeling misunderstood can lead to more complicated feelings, anger, and isolation, prolonging the dysfunction that can accompany grief.

Culturally, we shy away from talking about grief, death, and loss, because it feels uncomfortable and awkward. But it’s important to have others bear witness to your grief as part of the process.

Popular understanding of grief can typically center on the idea of "letting go." Healing means closure. Many people use the phrase ‘moving on’ after grief, which, to many, feels like forgetting. Two influential frameworks in modern grief work offer an alternative: continued bonds theory and David Kessler's concept of meaning-making as a sixth stage of grief. Their work supports the idea that grief, although painful, can be transformative, can assist us with living a meaningful life, and empowers us to determine the direction our relationship goes, including how this grief shows up at different stages of our own lives.

Continued Bonds: Keeping the Relationship Alive

The continued bonds model emerged in the 1990s through the work of researchers Dennis Klass, Phyllis Silverman, and Steven Nickman, who challenged the long-standing assumption that grieving "correctly" required detaching from the deceased. Their research suggested the opposite: most people naturally maintain an ongoing, evolving relationship with those they've lost, and doing so is a normal, often healthy part of adapting to loss rather than evidence of being stuck.

A continued bond can show up in different ways: talking to a loved one out loud or internally, keeping meaningful objects close, visiting a grave or a place that held significance, marking anniversaries with small rituals, sensing a parent's voice offering guidance during a hard decision, or simply carrying forward someone's values, sayings, or habits as part of daily life. 

The key distinction is that a continued bond assimilates the loss while continuing meaning-making and relationship-building in daily life. A bond becomes complicated when it prevents someone from re-engaging with the world, or when it's rooted in unresolved guilt or complicated grief. Individual therapy can help you delineate between the two and provide support for you to grieve in a healthy way.

Meaning-Making: Kessler's Sixth Stage

David Kessler, who worked alongside Elisabeth Kübler-Ross on the well-known five stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance), later proposed adding a sixth: meaning. His argument, developed most fully after the death of his own son, is that acceptance alone doesn't complete the grieving process for most people. What tends to bring a deeper, more sustainable kind of peace is finding some form of meaning in the aftermath of loss.

Meaning-making isn't toxic positivity. It’s not about deciding the loss itself was good, deserved, or "meant to happen." 

Meaning tends to be something a person actively builds afterward: a shift in values, a renewed sense of purpose, a way of aligning your own actions in a way that honors the person lost. 

A continued bond gives someone an ongoing relationship to draw meaning from. And meaning-making often gives shape and direction to what a continued bond becomes over time.

Consider a few ways this plays out:

• A relationship becomes a source of ongoing guidance. Asking "what advice would my mom have given me in this situation?" isn't just maintaining an emotional tie - they're often actively drawing meaning and direction from that relationship, letting it continue to shape their choices and values.

• Rituals become a way to provide connection, have others bear witness to your grief, and acknowledge the loss. Lighting a candle while listening to their favorite song, watching their favorite movie, a yearly gathering with friends - these practices maintain a bond while also generating meaning.

• Legacy work bridges both frameworks. Writing letters to the deceased, creating a scrapbook, or continuing a loved one's project are acts that simultaneously preserve connection and construct meaning out of loss.

• Identity shifts get anchored by both. Grief often shapes our understanding of ourselves. Meaning-making and continued bonds assist with a deeper understanding.

What This Looks Like in Therapy

At Common Thread Counseling Chicago, we often work with both frameworks. Rather than encouraging you to "let go," we will help you explore what kind of ongoing connection to the deceased feels sustaining rather than avoidant. We can help you establish rituals and seek out support systems. You can spend time talking through different memories and storytelling. We will celebrate when you’re able to give yourself permission to enjoy things you used to enjoy with them. 

We will give you space to be messy and talk about difficult feelings without judgment or trying to speed up the process. We can sit with you as you talk about the potential mix of devastation, guilt, jealousy, relief, resentment, or confusion. 

Some issues that grief and loss therapy can help you with:

• Death of a family member 

• Divorce or breakup

• Pregnancy loss

• Death of a pet

• Loss of a relationship 

Individual Therapy for Grief and Loss

If you’ve experienced a loss, it can be hard to ask for help. It can be scary to connect with painful parts and verbalize complicated feelings.

We hope to provide compassionate care at your own pace to help you process grief, adapt to life after a loss, and live with purpose.

In-Person Therapy or Virtual Therapy from My Couch?

Therapy at home in pajamas or in-person at the office? Note: You can wear comfy clothes in-person, too.

If you’re hoping to start therapy, you might be considering the advantages of in-person therapy or virtual therapy. Providers actually began providing mental health therapy virtually (via the old fashioned internet, referred to as ‘the telephone’) in the 1960’s. Various messaging or communication systems have been developed to support traditional therapy sessions since then. Since the Covid-19 pandemic, which sometimes feels like it was either last year or 20 years ago, reforms were made to telehealth regulations that made it possible for practitioners to see clients and patients virtually more easily, and for insurance to reimburse similarly to in-person sessions. 

Research studies have shown similar efficacy in results for people who participated in in-person and virtual therapy. So… what works?

Virtual therapy can be accessible, convenient, and reduce barriers of time commitments, commuting, and having to change out of sweatpants. It can be easy to take a virtual session in a private office or at home. 

Drawbacks may include privacy, technical issues, and ability to focus. Some people have a hard time focusing on a conversation when their cat’s tail is twitching in their face (although I will put seeing pets in the ‘pros’ column myself) or when they’re staring at that pile of laundry that needs to be folded. Thinking about virtual sessions might include being honest with yourself; will you be distracted by other tabs? Looking at incoming emails? You might want to end whatever you’re working on a few minutes before your session so you can close all of the tabs, send out that last email, and find a quiet space. You could also see if your therapist would be alright if you fold laundry while chatting, which can actually be helpful for some folks who don’t love staring at someone on a screen without a break.

In-person sessions can be helpful to get out of your space and into a change of scenery. Therapy offices are (hopefully) uncluttered, calming, and free from distractions. Having therapy in the same room can cue your body and brain to shift into therapy mode. Sometimes, it’s a challenge to make space in your day for therapy, so you could also build in time for a little treat after, like a coffee or a walk (may I suggest the beautiful river path right by our Avondale office?). Some people find it helpful to think through what they’d like to bring up on the way to therapy, and have the commute home to process what was discussed.

Drawbacks for in-person sessions are typically related to time constraints and planning, as well as differences in terms of flexibility in work, school, or parenting schedules (note: you can absolutely bring your baby to a session). Transportation may also be limited, and may determine choosing a therapist with an office by a train stop, bus line, or with available parking. 

You could also try out both options and see which works best for you. Many practices will offer hybrid scheduling, and most clinicians are flexible with switching between virtual or in-person sessions. If you’re feeling anxious about beating traffic to get to a session in time, maybe it’s a virtual day for you. Our Chicago offices in Logan Square and Avondale strive to be accessible and welcoming. The key is figuring out where you feel most comfortable, can consistently show up, and feel like you are getting the most out of your counseling sessions.

Understanding the Interplay of Brain Networks in ADHD

When we talk about ADHD, we often reference executive functions and the prefrontal cortex (PFC). But research into the brain structures involved in the Default Mode Network (DMN), Task-Positive Network (TPN), and Salience Network (SN) has changed our understanding of the brain and its interplay in those with ADHD. 

The Default Mode Network is active when our attention is directed inward. It supports activities such as daydreaming, self-reflection, imagining the future, recalling memories, and thinking about ourselves and others. The DMN is essential for creativity, problem-solving, and making meaning of our experiences.

The Task-Positive Network becomes active when we focus on an external task. It helps us pay attention, solve problems, learn new information, and stay engaged with our environment. When the TPN is active, the brain is better able to filter distractions and maintain goal-directed behavior.

The Salience Network is a set of brain regions that work together, analyzing internal and external input, to determine where focus should be directed. It is responsible for turning on the TPN or DMN.

When a task needs focused attention, the TPN should become more active and the DMN decreases activity. When the task is complete, the DMN can re-engage, allowing for reflection and creativity.

Brain scans have shown that people with ADHD can have weakened activity between these three networks, making the transition between networks less efficient. The DMN may remain active when attention is needed elsewhere, making it harder to stay focused on tasks. This can feel like a constant stream of thoughts, ideas, or daydreams competing for attention. At the same time, activating the TPN - especially for tasks that are repetitive, boring, or lack immediate rewards - may require more effort.

Understanding the DMN, TPN, and SN help us move beyond the idea that attention is simply a matter of trying harder or discipline. Instead, it highlights how different brain networks influence focus, motivation, and engagement, and how brain differences could make this more challenging for individuals with ADHD. By working with the brain's natural systems, individuals with ADHD can build strategies that support attention while also appreciating the creativity and insight that often emerge from an active DMN. Outside of medical interventions for ADHD, therapy can be useful for assisting individuals with ADHD in developing priming skills to learn how to better activate the TPN and decrease the DMN.

There’s Power in Community

Beware: The Women have united.

Finding Connection When the World Feels Overwhelming

Scrolling through headlines lately, it’s easy to feel helpless. The weight of the world doesn’t just live in the news; it seeps into our nervous systems, our relationships, and our vision of the future. But one of the most powerful ways to counter that feeling of helplessness is to reconnect - with others, with purpose, with community.

You’re Not Alone (Even When It Feels Like It)
When we’re overwhelmed, isolation often follows. It’s tempting to withdraw, doom-scroll, or wait for the next piece of bad news to drop. But community doesn’t disappear just because we’re struggling - it waits patiently for us to return. Sometimes all it takes is a text to a friend, joining a local event, or a walk in the neighborhood to start to remember we’re not in this alone.

Small Actions, Big Impact
Sometimes connection starts with something small: volunteering with a group that resonates with you, checking in on a neighbor, or showing up to support others. These small acts of solidarity remind us of our power and shift us from despair into action.

Boundaries Are Part of Activism, Too
Caring about the world doesn’t mean burning yourself out. It’s okay to take breaks, set limits on your media consumption, and soothe your nervous system. Community thrives when we’re well enough to show up - and taking care of ourselves allows us to do that.

Find- or Build - Your People
Whether it’s a local group, an online space, or a couple close friends, community can look a lot of different ways. If you haven’t found your people yet, consider creating the space you need. Host a gathering, start a group chat, or attend events that align with your interests. Connection doesn’t have to be perfect.

There’s Power in Collective Care
Helplessness often stems from feeling disconnected from agency. But when we come together - not just to organize, but to care for each other - we create ripples that challenge the systems making us feel small. Community isn’t just about action; it’s about remembering that we matter to each other.

As a Therapist, You Know I Have to Validate Feelings in Closing
You’re allowed to feel overwhelmed. You’re allowed to feel grief and anger and fear. And you’re also allowed to seek joy, solidarity, and hope. The world might not change overnight - but we can still show up for each other in the meantime. That’s what community is for.

Goodness of Fit

“It’s the relationship that heals.” - Irvin Yalom

"Therapist goodness of fit" refers to how well a therapist's style, approach, and personality align with the client's needs, preferences, and therapeutic goals. It emphasizes the importance of the therapeutic relationship and how the therapist’s ability to connect, understand, and respond to the client plays a crucial role in the effectiveness of therapy. A good fit between therapist and client can contribute to trust, comfort, and positive outcomes in treatment.

This concept can include various factors, such as:

1. Therapeutic approach: Some clients may respond better to certain therapeutic modalities depending on their personality and issues. Some people know a specific style they’re seeking out, while some may be open to testing out different modalities to see what works for them. Here is a (not brief at all) guide.

2. Personality and rapport: Although it is reasonable to dread some parts of therapy because it can bring up really strong feelings, you shouldn’t dread seeing your therapist! Find someone who has a personality that fits your needs and builds rapport.

3. Communication style: Do you want to work with someone who is very direct and uses a more structured approach? Do you feel more connected when people use humor, or might spend a few minutes discussing the latest episode of Love is Blind? We usually can’t pick the communication style of people we collaborate with; in therapy, you can!

4. Cultural responsiveness: A therapist’s ability to respect and integrate a client’s cultural background into the therapeutic process is crucial. A good fit might include a therapist who demonstrates cultural humility, intersectionality, and a dedication to continued education on cultural competence.

5. Basics: Does your availability match for continued sessions? Do you want flexibility for virtual or in-person? Do you feel comfortable in the office and is it accessible for you?

Why Does It Matter?

A strong fit helps you build trust and comfort so you can feel understood and supported. If you feel comfortable opening up to your therapist, you’re more likely to share honestly, which can lead to deeper insights and progress.

How Do You Know If It’s a Good Fit?

You don’t have to stick with a therapist who doesn’t feel like a good match. Some signs that you might not have a good fit include feeling misunderstood or disengaged in sessions. When you’ve found a good fit, you might notice that you’re more open, motivated, and committed to the process. Even if it feels uncomfortable at times, you feel supported in this process by your therapist.

Remember, therapy is an investment in your well-being, and it’s worth taking the time to find someone who truly feels right for you. If the first therapist you meet doesn’t click, don’t be discouraged—there are many wonderful professionals out there who may be a better fit.