Mindfulness vs. Meditation: We’re Leaf Peepin’ This Season
Living in Chicago can feel busy. Whether you are working, studying, or parenting, we could all use mindfulness. Mindfulness can help you practice the small, repeatable skill of being present, a skill that, over time, can reduce stress and anxiety, improve emotional regulation and nervous system regulation. Mindfulness can reduce anxious and depressive loops, improve sleep, focus, and reduce physical symptoms associated with anxiety. With mindfulness, we can both physically and emotionally be grounded in the present, treat ourselves with more compassion, and in turn, others as well, improving our relationship with ourselves, others, and the world around us.
Have I already told you how much I love the river path by our Avondale therapy office?
Leaves are crunching. Trader Joe’s cinnamon brooms are flying off of shelves. It’s officially Autumn. You know what that means. A blog about mindfulness and nature walks!
People often use "mindfulness" and "meditation" interchangeably, but they're not quite synonymous. Both are invaluable practices that have been used for centuries and adapted into therapy in different ways, including interoceptive awareness. Mindfulness develops awareness and presence, while meditation draws from mindfulness to train the brain and focus. This simple blog post won’t quite dive into the entire lengthy history of each, but I’ll try to describe a bit about each, how they can be beneficial, and how they may be practiced in and out of therapy. According to Jon Kabat-Zinn, the founder of Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR), mindfulness is, “a form of meditation that really is the cultivation of intimacy with awareness.”
Meditation is typically a formal practice, like training. It's something you set aside time for: sitting quietly, focusing on your breath, or following a guided practice. Meditation is an umbrella term that can include loving-kindess meditation or visualization. When I think of meditation, I think of the brain sifting through the clutter and honing in on a focal point or intention. When I think of mindfulness, I think of noticing what’s floating through the brain, and allowing the thoughts to continue floating by.
Mindfulness is noticing without judgment - paying attention to what's happening right now, in your mind and body and surroundings, without immediately labeling it as good or bad, right or wrong. You can practice mindfulness anywhere. You can be mindful while washing dishes, eating dinner, or having your morning coffee.
Why Our Therapists Teach Mindfulness
In our therapy practice here in Chicago, we teach mindfulness as a practical, everyday tool. Many of the struggles that bring people into therapy - anxiety, rumination, self-criticism, the desire to get rid of ‘bad’ emotions - are made heavier by our own judgment. We don't just feel anxious; we judge ourselves for feeling anxious. We don't just have a difficult thought; we spiral into what that thought means about us.
Mindfulness interrupts that cycle. When a client learns to notice a thought or feeling without immediately judging it, they create a small gap and a choice - space to respond thoughtfully and intentionally instead of automatically. This is why mindfulness shows up across so many approaches we draw on in session, from cognitive behavioral techniques to acceptance-based work: it's less about achieving a calm state and more about changing your relationship to what is currently happening in your brain and body in relation to the world around you.
If you're working with us, you'll likely hear us come back to this phrase often: notice without judgment. The more we practice it together in session, the more it will come up for you naturally outside of sessions. Eventually, it will loop through your brain as easily as a BTS song. Which is a good thing, depending.
Practicing Mindfulness This Fall
Autumn is my favorite time to practice mindfulness (perhaps because that’s when it is easiest for me?) As we begin to slow down, prepare for transitions, we see natural cycles unfolding around us. We see impermanence, acceptance, and patterns. Instead of resisting the change, struggling with the future, I encourage you to notice. Without judgment.
● Notice the leaves changing, without narrating a story about it. Instead of "WINTER IS COMING," try just seeing the color - the specific gold or rust of a single leaf - without assigning anything else.
● Use your walk as a mindfulness practice. As you walk through the neighborhood or a park (may I recommend the path by the river just north of our Avondale office location?), notice the leaves crunching, the change in air temperature, the smell of the season.
● Let the season model impermanence. Trees don't resist losing their leaves. Mindfulness often includes a similar practice: letting thoughts and feelings arrive and pass without clutching onto them. If I have a thought about climate change, I’m letting that thought float down the river as best I can.
● Pair it with something you already do. You don't need a new ritual. We often treat intentionality as a weird productivity buzzword. But you can be intentional each day to turn a ritual you already have (brushing your teeth, walking to work, opening the curtains) into a moment of mindfulness.
…Why?
It's to practice the small, repeatable skill of being present, a skill that, over time, can reduce stress and anxiety, improve emotional regulation and nervous system regulation. Mindfulness can reduce anxious and depressive loops, improve sleep, focus, and reduce physical symptoms associated with anxiety. With mindfulness, we can both physically and emotionally be grounded in the present, treat ourselves with more compassion, and in turn, others as well, improving our relationship with ourselves, others, and the world around us.
If you’d like to learn more about how we integrate mindfulness into our sessions in Chicago, or more about therapy in general, please fill out an intake form!
Staying Connected, Finding Meaning: Continued Bonds and the Sixth Stage of Grief
Culturally, we shy away from talking about grief, death, and loss, because it feels uncomfortable and awkward. But it’s important to have others bear witness to your grief as part of the process.
Stripe game strong.
Things we will not say at Common Thread Counseling Chicago when we are assisting you in working with grief and loss:
“Everything happens for a reason.”
“They’re in a better place.”
“Time heals all.”
“Stay strong.”
“At least…”
Why? Because that feels dismissive. Grief and loss can feel consuming. Feeling misunderstood can lead to more complicated feelings, anger, and isolation, prolonging the dysfunction that can accompany grief.
Culturally, we shy away from talking about grief, death, and loss, because it feels uncomfortable and awkward. But it’s important to have others bear witness to your grief as part of the process.
Popular understanding of grief can typically center on the idea of "letting go." Healing means closure. Many people use the phrase ‘moving on’ after grief, which, to many, feels like forgetting. Two influential frameworks in modern grief work offer an alternative: continued bonds theory and David Kessler's concept of meaning-making as a sixth stage of grief. Their work supports the idea that grief, although painful, can be transformative, can assist us with living a meaningful life, and empowers us to determine the direction our relationship goes, including how this grief shows up at different stages of our own lives.
Continued Bonds: Keeping the Relationship Alive
The continued bonds model emerged in the 1990s through the work of researchers Dennis Klass, Phyllis Silverman, and Steven Nickman, who challenged the long-standing assumption that grieving "correctly" required detaching from the deceased. Their research suggested the opposite: most people naturally maintain an ongoing, evolving relationship with those they've lost, and doing so is a normal, often healthy part of adapting to loss rather than evidence of being stuck.
A continued bond can show up in different ways: talking to a loved one out loud or internally, keeping meaningful objects close, visiting a grave or a place that held significance, marking anniversaries with small rituals, sensing a parent's voice offering guidance during a hard decision, or simply carrying forward someone's values, sayings, or habits as part of daily life.
The key distinction is that a continued bond assimilates the loss while continuing meaning-making and relationship-building in daily life. A bond becomes complicated when it prevents someone from re-engaging with the world, or when it's rooted in unresolved guilt or complicated grief. Individual therapy can help you delineate between the two and provide support for you to grieve in a healthy way.
Meaning-Making: Kessler's Sixth Stage
David Kessler, who worked alongside Elisabeth Kübler-Ross on the well-known five stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance), later proposed adding a sixth: meaning. His argument, developed most fully after the death of his own son, is that acceptance alone doesn't complete the grieving process for most people. What tends to bring a deeper, more sustainable kind of peace is finding some form of meaning in the aftermath of loss.
Meaning-making isn't toxic positivity. It’s not about deciding the loss itself was good, deserved, or "meant to happen."
Meaning tends to be something a person actively builds afterward: a shift in values, a renewed sense of purpose, a way of aligning your own actions in a way that honors the person lost.
A continued bond gives someone an ongoing relationship to draw meaning from. And meaning-making often gives shape and direction to what a continued bond becomes over time.
Consider a few ways this plays out:
A relationship becomes a source of ongoing guidance. Asking "what advice would my mom have given me in this situation?" isn't just maintaining an emotional tie - they're often actively drawing meaning and direction from that relationship, letting it continue to shape their choices and values.
Rituals become a way to provide connection, have others bear witness to your grief, and acknowledge the loss. Lighting a candle while listening to their favorite song, watching their favorite movie, a yearly gathering with friends - these practices maintain a bond while also generating meaning.
Legacy work bridges both frameworks. Writing letters to the deceased, creating a scrapbook, or continuing a loved one's project are acts that simultaneously preserve connection and construct meaning out of loss.
Identity shifts get anchored by both. Grief often shapes our understanding of ourselves. Meaning-making and continued bonds assist with a deeper understanding.
What This Looks Like in Therapy
At Common Thread Counseling Chicago, we often work with both frameworks. Rather than encouraging you to "let go," we will help you explore what kind of ongoing connection to the deceased feels sustaining rather than avoidant. We can help you establish rituals and seek out support systems. You can spend time talking through different memories and storytelling. We will celebrate when you’re able to give yourself permission to enjoy things you used to enjoy with them.
We will give you space to be messy and talk about difficult feelings without judgment or trying to speed up the process. We can sit with you as you talk about the potential mix of devastation, guilt, jealousy, relief, resentment, or confusion.
Some issues that grief and loss therapy can help you with:
Death of a family member
Divorce or breakup
Pregnancy loss
Death of a pet
Loss of a relationship
Individual Therapy for Grief and Loss
If you’ve experienced a loss, it can be hard to ask for help. It can be scary to connect with painful parts and verbalize complicated feelings.